eqan's blog

So I've been coding, learning some azure - but it's really not filling that void I was talking about.

it feels like I am stuck, there's so much to do, so little time and I just don't know what to do with my time.

should I skill up? relax? start preparing for leetcode style interviews? "how do I continue my career growth" is all that I think about.

I have the rest of october, november and december before my contract runs out - so maybe i will relax till I know if I have a job or not.

Anyways, I was recommended to read the book "Crime and Punishment" by Fyodor Dostoevsky. I tried reading it and, to my surprise enjoyed the first 10 pages or so, but the longer I read in that one sitting the more my head hurt. It hurt, as I was trying to remember all the different russian names, it was hard to follow the monologue of the drunk guy in the tavern. Still it peaked my curiosity enough for me to look into why people read this book, and figure out what's so special about it.

Another question I had was, how do I properly read and absorb what this book has to offer.

I found the following:

1. How to read and absorb difficult books

2. How to Read Crime and Punishment (10 Tips for Digesting Dostoyevsky)

I asked these questions as an exercise for myself to find motivation - as without motivation - it's hard to do things that require effort.

So here are my findings (some of these are directly taken from the above blogs):

• Embrace the monologues
• Take my time (13 pages per session)
• Make notes (more on this later)
• "Challening reads that have stood the test of time push you to think with a new frame of reference" (I think CaP fits this)

I really like what Emily Rudow (first link) says here:

"Combining different disciplines can change the way you see and interpret the world, spark new ideas in your work, creative projects, relationships, and life"

I think this is what I'm looking for.

• Find your why (why am I reading this)
• Do some groundwork before reading (probably a good idea for CaP)

Sigh. All of that just to read a book. I hope it's worth it.

My why

My intent is not ego driven, nobody cares if I read this book. Literally nobody. And even if they did, I do not care to brag about it.

"Hurr, you read Young Adult Fantasy??? Loser, I read classic Russian literature."

That's not me. I love Brandon Sanderson, Sarah J Mass, and the guy who wrote Dungeon Crawler Carl (Matt Diniman? I think.)

So what is my why? I think it's this:

The last 6 years of my life has been semi dedicated to school and internships. I gained knowledge in computer science mostly, and working in a technical environment. cool, great even.

I feel like I missed out on other domains. I think there is a huge GAP of knowledge missing in my brain and I hope to find it in reading classic literature. I think that's my why. Maybe it will develop as I read, and maybe it wont.

In all honesty, I want to be more literate. It sounds cringe to say this, but in a world of TikTok and Youtube Shorts - I need to find a way to stay sharp.